Perhaps one of the most unedifying
aspects of NoScotland is the sulphurous contempt for Alex Salmond oozing out of
every widening crack in the artifice of union. Far too many seem utterly
incapable of moving beyond this. The pitch has risen in tandem with Salmond’s
ascendency, oblivious to events, all too clearly betraying the raw party
tribalism behind it.
This has been so assiduously
cultivated that Salmondophobia now has its own language. It’s not a
particularly articulate one and is as attractive as it is complex - that is to
say, not in the slightest - but its monotone minimalism warrants
acknowledgement. It takes effort to sustain such visceral hatred for so long
without drawing breath. Johann Lamont has elevated this to an obsessive
compulsion and clearly spends a lot of time in front of a mirror working on her
eye-rolling technique. Countless interns on a shift system ensure the bile
stall is manned 24/7.
Without even blushing, diehard Red
Clydesiders amongst the mortal remains of Scottish Labour would sooner swing
with their natural enemies than agree with Salmond on the time of day. On
current form, if he offered his resignation tomorrow, Labour would probably demand
he stay.
This thumb-sucking obstructionism has blighted
debate in Holyrood since 2007 and has given Salmond a far easier run than he
could possibly have hoped for, or even necessarily deserves. The SNP has
governed efficiently, but it hasn’t been a perfect ten. Their renewables
policies in particular alarm many and should in theory have at least put a dent
in the ballot box, particularly in rural areas, but this famously failed to
happen.
Nothing entirely accounted for May 2011,
not in authorised narrative that is. Being despised by his enemies certainly
didn’t harm Eck’s chances. For 4 years, he knocked all comers into a cocked
hat. The electorate rewarded him with that impossible majority. Labour couldn’t
believe it. Salmond couldn’t believe his luck.
The embarrassing punch-line, for
Labour in particular, one myriad analyses seem to have strenuously
side-stepped, is that this year’s
referendum could have easily been avoided if they had acceded to SNP plans for
a referendum in the last parliament. As it had no bearing on day to day
governance, it wouldn’t have hurt and they could only have gained. Not only
could they have influenced the terms, with further, more entrenched devolution
of their choosing as an option on the ballot, they could have guaranteed an
emphatic No vote on independence. This would have been the end of Salmond and
very probably the SNP as we know it and they would be sleeping easy tonight. Instead
it was “Ya boo sucks” followed by absurd gibes that Salmond couldn’t get his
legislative program through. Duh, as they say. Such political ineptitude thoroughly
deserves a long spell in opposition.
One would think they might have
learned from this, but evidence is scant. Instead, Salmond has watched his
opposition self-cannibalise in full public view. He is often accused of being
smug, but who on earth wouldn’t be in the circumstances?
Granted, Salmond may not be up against
stellar competition, but it would be a foolish opponent, Johann Lamont for
instance, who said he was anything other than very good at what he does. This
includes being Alex Salmond, of course, but an apparently impossible 45% of voters
in a 4 party race didn’t appear too worried by this.
This is attritional spite, not
political expression. It makes no sense to any reasoned perspective. Many of
the same people would no doubt express a deep dislike of Rupert Murdoch, but
they’ll buy his papers and satellite package with all this implies. And of
course, as a hysterical fear of Scotland becoming an isolationist one party
state and a Salmond personality cult seems to terrify so many Unionists, it
seems odd that they so readily accept mandatory subscription to a state
broadcaster. Given the revelations of the last year or two, one would have
thought default respect for this organisation might have taken a dunt, but it
persists undaunted. One may well think Salmond smug, but so what? If
unaccountable influence and executive excess disturb your sleep, consider the
BBC and then worry about Alex Salmond if you must.
In any case, he could be forgiven for
being smug. Not only was his career supposedly over in 2000, “Nationalism was
dead”, its obituary having been so succinctly penned by George, later Lord
Robertson. As Secretary General of NATO, his triumphs included being in the van
of the Afghanistan expedition. His Lordship’s prescience knows no beginning.
Ten years ago, Salmond was a busted
flush. It is hard to think of a less likely political comeback. Party leaders who
quit don’t return. It’s simply not British. Most quit politics entirely.
Stranger things have happened, but little matches the rise, fall and rise of
Eck the Invincible. I use the word advisedly, but there can be little dispute
that in all his time as First Minister, the opposition haven’t touched him with
anything so robust as a soufflé; in the arenas of both Scottish and UK politics
he’s a class act and holds pole position by some margin. His enemies have
undoubtedly helped him attain this, so they shouldn’t be surprised if he avails
himself of open goals, but Salmond knows very well that in this game, it’s not just
the taking part that counts, it’s winning.
Even his foes must sometimes wonder
what it must take to stop the man. Frankly, I don’t believe even a No vote
would finish him off. The only way of getting rid of the fiend might well be to
simply vote for independence and ditch the SNP in 2016. If the SNP sticks to
its founding principles, it should sustain for no more than one parliament
anyway. For those who wish to see the back of Salmond, a Yes vote could well be
the better bet.
