Thought for the day: Life is nature's way of delaying death.

Facebook: making sure you never lose touch with people you don't like.

Internal admin is not "industry".

Flying on a wing and a prayer may sometimes be necessary. Taking off on the same is another matter entirely.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Knave declines tart options

In a surprise move that sent shockwaves through the City of La La Land, it was announced today, contrary to widespread speculation, that the Knave of Hearts had decided not to steal any tarts at all this year, despite having the opportunity to take as many as he wanted. It is believed that the Knave, who is a renowned expert and avid collector of fine tarts from all around the world, had quite enough tarts and other confectionary already and didn't really need any more.

It is thought that pressure had been brought to bear on him by representatives of the Queen, who had gone to considerable effort to bake them, and all on a summer's day, too. She had apparently muttered some rubbish about many of her subjects "barely being able to afford bread." It was feared that the King himself might have beat the knave full sore on noticing them missing.

In other news, it was reported that organised gangs of overweight cats were continuing to remove seemingly endless quantities of cream from the dairy and nobody seemed to be trying to stop them. Each was taking a turn at helping themselves while the others stood by, diligently ensuring that each gets as much as he wants.

One was seen playing a fiddle, one disappeared into its own grin and another was last seen sailing away in a luxury yacht described by police spokesman, Officer Dibble, as “beautiful" and "pea-green”. It has not been confirmed as yet whether or not he was in the company of a foreign national known only as The Owl. It is thought that they may be in possession of plently of money, which has been concealed in a large denomination bank note, as well as an undisclosed quantity of honey.

It is not yet understood if these crimes were connected to an incident earlier in the day, when a small dog was heard laughing at a dish, who was reported to have been seen leaving the country in some haste in the company of a spoon. A lawyer for another suspect, a well known cow, said his client was "over the moon".

Later in the day, a number of bears were seen entering a wood, apparently for a picnic. It was not yet clear whether they intended to defecate, but we spoke to an expert in bears who said, "Yeah, well. They're bears, after all. Knowing them, they probably will."