WORLD TO CLOSE DOWN: breaking news with exclusive pictures!!!!!!!!!
|Ian Hislop was too upset to speak (© Who cares?)|
Long before all this, of course, there was that mind-boggling and arguably unrivalled stunt, the story that really made its name as the planet of choice for so many lower life-forms, the so-called natural selection scandal, involving absurdly large reptiles and massive, up-yours volcanoes, which some today still refuse to believe actually happened despite this being a story most other planets concur on and indeed covered extensively at the time.
The news of the planet's impending doom came after years of attempts to correct its orientation and recent claims that engineers had fixed the fault, but it was clear to many astronomers that it was on a dangerous trajectory that could have caused large chunks of the cosmos to disappear into a black hole.
A dirty digger disappearing into its own stinking bog later today
(© O. T. Shadenfraude/Daily Mail)
|Lone survivor of The World escapes (© N.A.S.A.)|
Despite its reputation as one of the most populous planets in the universe, The World routinely lost its bearings and started drifting out of orbit, intercepting interstellar messages, landing on other planets in breach of galactic law, causing conflict with neighbouring colonies and generally upsetting the forces of gravity, thereby risking collision with other planets its owners quite coincidentally are actively trying to appropriate simply because they want to and can and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. This in turn is upsetting the entire time-space continuum, warping perceptions and threatening the very fabric of existence itself.
Owners are said to be "deeply concerned"
(©dunno - we just lifted it off the internet)