Our reporters are watching this one closely and will bring you up to date with the latest intercepted messages, tales of nefarious behaviour and all round, perfidious ugliness just as soon as we scrape our jaws off the floor and stop laughing with undiluted joy....................
Reports are coming in that the Wicked Witch of Wapping has been formally arrested on appearing by appointment at a London police station. A shame really. Given some of the shit she's meted out to thousands of people over a long and ignominious career of unbridled spite and utter lack of human decency, I'd have preferred to see her being dragged screaming from her bed at five in the morning with the all the world's most mercenary papps present and correct, forewarned and fore-armed.
More follows..............
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