In 1991, David Icke famously quit his job as a sports commentator with the BBC to embark on a new career as a messiah. Faced with a lifetime of being contractually obliged to feign boundless enthusiasm watching people getting paid a lot more than me for running and jumping or kicking and throwing things, I’d be down the nearest Job Centre Plus, too, but I might trim my aspirations; I’d settle for a nice, quiet benevolent dictatorship somewhere in the South Pacific, ideally somewhere otherwise uninhabited.
He told us that unidentified mediums had revealed to him a truth that had, until then, remained elusive to mortal man; unbeknownst to us, the world was ruled by descendants of pan-dimensional alien space lizards who inhabit an underground realm that overlaps the boundaries of this and many other dimensions. By dint of three invasions over many millennia they utilised their shape-changing powers and bred with humans.
Dave still believes this and for only £3 a month, complete idiots can subscribe to his internet newsletters to find out why. For the avoidance of doubt and in the interests of legality, I must stress that to the best of my knowledge David Icke is not and never has been forcibly detained under the Mental Health Act and continues to prosper, this latter detail being well worth pondering in these austere times.
Dave reckons these diabolical monsters have now successfully infiltrated all our political, corporate and financial institutions in an elaborate conspiracy through self-serving statute, media control and mutual patronage. They appear human, but they can be recognised by their beady eyes and lack of any trace of social conscience. They are conspicuous in their insatiable greed and the lengths they will go to to justify their demands and to ensure they are met. They get everything they want, all the time, enslaving humanity so effectively that we now know no other way and believe the lies of our reptilian rulers.
By the 21st century, according to Dave, they have attained such a grip that they form an omnipotent elite who set all terms of reference to the extent that they pretty well define our reality. They control the flow of all information and the vast bulk of the planet’s wealth. They can make or break countries – usually the latter - if their interests are even vaguely threatened.
If needs be, they will start wars using weapons made by their own kind. What say we have in our own destinies is enshrined in no more than a sham democracy, giving us the illusion that we are in charge. They have more power than any nation state and recognise no national boundaries. They live amongst us, but are not of us. They can influence us in any way they see fit and we are powerless and seemingly unwilling to resist. Dave in his madness believes this has happened.
I have doubts about the alien body-snatchers and even more about David Icke. It has always struck me as strange that while throughout recorded history there have been many who have claimed to be saviours of humanity, none has yet convincingly demonstrated his powers - I think it’s fair to say that the present precariousness of our planet doesn’t mark us out as having benefited from divine intercession, let alone been saved, except as data on a global network of computers involved in wholesale mass surveillance of everybody and run by a handful of shady multinationals with more clout than democratically elected governments in sovereign nation states.
One can see the attraction in all this for conspiracy theorists. However, I’m less upbeat than the X-files fans and apocalypse freaks. They have too much faith in their foes’ abilities. A decent conspiracy requires organisation and planning. The bigger it is, the more ingenuity and co-operation is required by the conspirators. The political and economic chaos playing out in front of our increasingly bewildered and incredulous eyes doesn’t strike me as being organised in any way. This isn’t the work of an advanced life form from another dimension.
Between the start of the polling in the latest election in Greece and just after lunchtime the next day, the markets suffered an outbreak of collective neurosis and variously rallied, slumped, bounced back and took fright in every financial centre around the world simultaneously. An increasingly elaborate array of economic indicators behaved like monkeys on dance drugs while we apparently went through several economic cycles in 24 hours. Wealth was disappearing and reappearing in Grand Cayman as if abducted by aliens.
Even our infinitely elastic political leaders are having a hard time saying anything that isn’t flatly contradicted within 30 seconds of broadcast. Nobody seems to have the faintest idea what’s going on or what to do and every intervention simply compounds matters. Giant lizards would probably make a better job of it
Today, billionaires shamelessly gorge themselves while entire countries are sentenced to penury. Our public services are being cut by unilateral decree issued by an unelected, untouchable elite who hold the vast bulk of humanity in utter contempt. Public servants have been rebranded by tabloid imbeciles as “public sector workers”, i.e., a self-interest group living off the State, not as those who serve us all and who pretty well define all we hold dear in civil society. Bankrupted banks are still failing and still helping themselves to eye-watering rewards. They tell us we are all in it together. Our media, police and political worlds are being revealed to have suffered systemic, institutionalised corruption for decades. We are sitting here, taking it. And you think David Icke is crazy?